The Booger Man’s Lament

Folks look at me kind of funny
because I look kind of scary
my face is kind of lop-sided
I may be a little too hairy
there’s a hitch or two in my git-a-long
my back has a little hump
but is that any reason
for people to see me and jump?

I will admit to peeking
into windows at night
cozy families make me warm & fuzzy
I don’t mean to cause a fright
and I’m really fond of children
I don’t want them to be afraid
they’re so lovable and sweet
especially sautéed

I guess it’s just my destiny
to be misunderstood
no one seems to want me
to live in their neighborhood

Happy Halloween!

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Spider

Came home to the corpse
of a spider in the kitchen
legs curled in the air
in a spidery fetal position

There are no signs of foul play
from its size it could have died
of old age, so I wonder,
how long has it been
sharing my home?

And I think, could it have been
the victim of some larger and
more terrifying insect
even now lurking under the
stove, waiting for me to doze
off so it can pounce?

Not that I am a scairdy cat,
but maybe I should sleep
in the car for a day or forever

Troll

I made it from where I once was
to where I am today
things don’t look much different
I guess that is okay

Some days tend to seize you first
and beat you like a cartoon dog
other than that, life is as easy
as falling off a log

Thinking about unfriending myself
getting tired of my crap
then I could sit back and troll me
if I only had the app

I may have to go on without me
if I hope to get anywhere
my inner clown keeps slowing me down
and doesn’t seem to care

You Can’t Have Fun Like That Anymore

Drinking and driving was just what we did
on long ago Saturday nights
taking a chance on finding romance
trying to stay out of fights
Then the mothers all came out against it
trying to save children’s lives
now it’s expensive as well as dangerous
so I stay sober when I drive

You can’t have fun like that anymore
I don’t like it, but I know the score
if you try you might get thrown out the door
you can’t have fun like that anymore

I put my pants on one leg at a time
leaning against a wall
used to do it in the middle of the room
now I don’t want to fall
as I get older I find that I want
to spend less time on the floor
just another way that I can’t
have fun like that anymore

You can’t have fun like that anymore
I don’t like it, but I know the score
if you try you might get thrown out the door
you can’t have fun like that anymore

I used to drink like I voted
early and often
with nary a thought
about prisons or coffins
Now I worry about
an aching head
so I don’t pour a drink
unless I’m close to my bed

You can’t have fun like that anymore
I don’t like it, but I know the score
if you try you might get thrown out the door
you can’t have fun like that anymore

Hack Hacks

Wishing is more fun than working, but less effective.

The struggle is real, even if it’s all in your head. Your head is real.

Don’t try to drown your sorrows, the damn things swim like fish.

Never pass up a chance to go back to bed.

It’s better to give than to receive advice.

Sometimes you have to unplug to recharge.

Life Coach

Waiting for time to eat
waiting for time to drink
waiting for time to go to work
leaves too much time to think

When you have a lot to do
there isn’t time to get it done
when you’re just trying to get to tomorrow
you get cursed with a motionless sun

Money is an issue
when it comes to spending time
if you can’t afford to buy some fun
you feel guilty of some crime

Days turn into weeks
in time the bills come due
and you sit and wonder
how you’ll make it through

Suddenly the years lie
scattered like fallen leaves
take time to celebrate
take time to grieve

Make time for a good nap
that’s my favorite approach
you probably won’t hear that
from a professional life coach

As you wait for time to eat
and wait for time to drink
wait for time to go to work
it’s better to dream than think