Testimony

I can’t say how much
of what I recall
is true or just imagined
but if what you feel
is what is real
I swear that it all happened.

never been that crazy
about reality, anyway
close your eyes
turn it off
you’ll see a better way

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Dangerous Fools

Standing at the bottom of the mountain
surrounded by the bones of those who died
not believing in the gravity of the situation
who thought they were immune to the rockslides
were they victims of misinformation
or were they just dangerous fools?

Some people think the Truth will change
just because they don’t like it
they think denying the sun will plunge
the world into darkness, that if
they flap their arms hard enough
they could fly
beware of these dangerous fools

You can say there is no God
He will not cease to exist
you can proclaim the day of the Lord
He won’t suddenly appear
but a lack of faith doesn’t make wrong right
nor should belief that He’s watching
govern us through fear
If they think somehow God depends on them,
they might be dangerous fools

Some people want to reject everything
it’s taken mankind centuries to learn
they think they are making it up as they go
and if they re-name fire it will no longer burn
they think the world should follow their rules
the deluded, dangerous fools

Conditions

Low in the morning, high in the evening
the thermometer has the right idea
I could be high all the time
if I could only see ya
since that is impossible
I strive for an even keel
I try not to act crazy
even when that’s how I feel

Grandma said, “the devil hates a coward”
but I didn’t want him for a friend
he makes temptation so appealing
it’s hard not to give in
The fires he lights
are hard to extinguish
and the smoke makes it hard
to see your true wish

there’s a weariness that sets in
when you feel burned out
one of those conditions
you can’t do much about
try to get it home
before it crashes
lock yourself in
something may rise from the ashes

You Can’t Have Fun Like That Anymore

Drinking and driving was just what we did
on long ago Saturday nights
taking a chance on finding romance
trying to stay out of fights
Then the mothers all came out against it
trying to save children’s lives
now it’s expensive as well as dangerous
so I stay sober when I drive

You can’t have fun like that anymore
I don’t like it, but I know the score
if you try you might get thrown out the door
you can’t have fun like that anymore

I put my pants on one leg at a time
leaning against a wall
used to do it in the middle of the room
now I don’t want to fall
as I get older I find that I want
to spend less time on the floor
just another way that I can’t
have fun like that anymore

You can’t have fun like that anymore
I don’t like it, but I know the score
if you try you might get thrown out the door
you can’t have fun like that anymore

I used to drink like I voted
early and often
with nary a thought
about prisons or coffins
Now I worry about
an aching head
so I don’t pour a drink
unless I’m close to my bed

You can’t have fun like that anymore
I don’t like it, but I know the score
if you try you might get thrown out the door
you can’t have fun like that anymore

Retirement Plan

I don’t like getting up early
I don’t like staying up late
don’t like running round in circles
don’t like to hurry up and wait

Come on MegaMillions
Come on Powerball
I need to hit it big
So I can live a life of ease
just like a muddy pig

I may be able to retire
when they lay me in the grave
but I’ll probably need a part time job
helpin’ Peter at the pearly gates

So come on MegaMillions
Come on Powerball
I need to hit it big
So I can live a life of ease
just like a muddy pig

Good Intentions

The field sobriety test was a fail
never was good at walking a line
so I take my mail at the county jail
til I pay off the fine
Guess I got a little too free
now I’m learning responsible
wish I’d listened closer
back when I was in school
This sweat dripping off my nose
is a sign of my good intentions
making up for stuff that happened
when I wasn’t paying attention
If hard work never hurt anyone
why does my back ache
how long is this likely to go on
before I get a break
Temptation is a poor companion
it’ll pester you until you give in
take you from the top to the bottom
then convince you to do it again
Three steps up and two steps back
is not the greatest progress
tangled up in your own tracks
til you end up in a mess
This sweat dripping off my nose
is a sign of my good intentions
making up for stuff that happened
when I wasn’t paying attention
If hard work never hurt anyone
why does my back ache
but I’m gonna keep keeping on
until I get a break

Peas in a Pod

He went down to the Mental Health
to pick up his medication
met a pretty little nut job
who understood his situation
wild-eyed glances were exchanged
a further meeting was arranged
co-dependence seemed
to be their destination
Is she crazier than him
is he crazier than her
even their best friends
weren’t really sure
They learned how to help each other
keep their demons at bay
if one of ’em got depressed
the other knew just what to say
when it came to dancing nekkid
while howling at the moon
they figured it was their back yard,
so it was okay
Is she crazier than him
is he crazier than her
even their best friends
weren’t really sure
are you crazier than me
am I crazier than you
it doesn’t really matter
if the love is true
this tale might be a figment
of my imagination
it might be the gospel
with slight exaggeration
but if you know two weirdos
who are like two peas in a pod
consider yourself lucky
tell them congratulations
Is she crazier than him
is he crazier than her
even their best friends
weren’t really sure
are you crazier than me
am I crazier than you
it doesn’t really matter
if the love is true